He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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