So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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