She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
