I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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