We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
