Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
