I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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