My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
