Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
