The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The air was thick with penises
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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