Just mADE A PArabola og urine
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
