I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
