you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
