She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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