Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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