you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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