grandma shit on top of the toilet
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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