It's like God shit irony all over that family
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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