Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
