I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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