I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
