You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
