He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
