he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This is the high leading the old right now
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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