u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
