Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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