??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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