porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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