Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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