you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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