So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
