True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize