you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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