Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The power of my boobs compel you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
