its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
