lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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