Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
