Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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