I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
