My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Randomize
