my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize