One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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