I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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