Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
