the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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