So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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