didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
