So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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