On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
