I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
