u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
