He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
