Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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