One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
