I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
