It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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