she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
