he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
