I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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