like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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