I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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