I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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