you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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