apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
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i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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