This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
