I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
