the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
