i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
