Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
