So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
