My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
